I am Panther? Hear me roar?

Whoa. What a week. It’s been a little emotional (husband and parents will attest). I’ve put them through a lot, so to be fair, I’ll take you on this journey as well:

All the way back in November, I announced my intentions to apply to UNI’s school psychology program. Then, I said I was 99.9% sure it would happen. Since then my confidence has dropped, little by little, until I found myself sobbing on the ride to school Tuesday morning, wailing between shuddering breaths, “What if this is the start of my downhill slide? What if I never accomplish anything ever again?”

Yeesh. Apparently, I don’t handle uncertainty very well. But I wasn’t being completely dramatic; I had some legitimate cause for concern.

Early February, I interviewed with the head of the program. Among other things she told me that only ten people get accepted each fall (YIKES!) and that decisions would be made and calls (or in my case, an email) would go out Friday, March 5 or Monday, March 7.

Friday night I stayed up late waiting for the email, which never came. But I felt all right because Blues Brothers was on TV and I figured, maybe she’ll email later. Probably tomorrow I’ll wake up to good news. No problem. And then when Aretha made her cameo I sang and danced (badly) along, all alone in the living room. I was feeling good.

Saturday morning I awoke to an empty inbox, and decided I needed some healthy distraction. After running two miles, and swimming one mile, I was still feeling good, and just tired enough not to worry.

I didn’t expect to hear anything Sunday, but Monday, I thought. That’s my day.

Monday was not my day. Instead it was a day of increasing anxiety, which I should mention wasn’t helped by the 12 hour time difference. I thought, though, that I’d for sure hear by Monday night. Brad stayed up with me until 11:30 (noon, Iowa time) but eventually headed to bed. By then I’d already called my mom, who ran home to check the mail for me, then said, with great motherly wisdom, “Maybe she got her dates wrong. Maybe she plans on telling people later this week.” But you know how it is when you’ve worked yourself up into a state, and you’re past the point of all optimism and into complete doom and gloom and you just won’t hear the cheerful voice of reason on the other end of the phone? Well, that’s where I was. My dark place.

At that point, healthy distractions were out and I spent the whole night refreshing my inbox, checking the internet connection, willing an email to come. And again, nothing came.

Despite almost total lack of sleep, I decided to go to school Tuesday morning. I knew, if nothing else, that the kids would cheer me up. And they did. They were so, so sweet.

Tuesday afternoon Brad and I had a moment of comic relief, provided by ourselves.
Brad: If it doesn’t work out it’s OK. I can pursue my acting career.
Me: Yeah. People have always told me I should be a model; I think I’ll do that.
HA! We’re sosososo funny. Maybe we should be standup comics.

But by Tuesday night I was defeated and so went to bed early. Only to be awakened shortly after by Brad, shouting, “EMAIL!”

And you know what it said?

Congratulations! And some other stuff. But I only needed that first line.

Immediately, I felt a little silly. All that worry! All that stress! But things got sillier once Brad and I got into the bottle of champagne that had been chilling in the fridge since Thursday. The bottle of champagne that I brought from Iowa for the specific purpose of opening on the event of my acceptance into grad school. The confidence was there all along, just briefly lost in a haze of self-doubt and uncertainty. Yuck to both of those things! Get out of here!

So, I’m back and feeling great. Yesterday I was not feeling so great, but that was mostly due to the champagne.

Now we’re getting all geared up for our big move to Iowa. A few minutes into our champagne celebration I told Brad that we were celebrating two years of endless homework and life of poverty, but whatever. Four years away from family and friends has been long enough. Iowa is gonna be GREAT!

See you soon!