Someone / something is leaving piles of guts on our doorstep. It seems to be a Wednesday thing. This morning Brad warned me, "There's something gross on the driveway. On the right-hand side. Don't look at it."
Like I wasn't going to look! I saw a white tube (intestine?) and a pile of purple guts, sitting side-by-side.
Last Wednesday he/she/it left a string of guts on our doormat, I say string because it appeared as though the something had gone through the trouble of unraveling the guts into one long (horrific) line.
Who is doing this? Where are the guts coming from? Rats? Cats? Small dogs? Why Wednesdays? If some larger animal is eating a smaller animal, what are they doing with the bones? Why go through the trouble of delivering the guts to our door? Are guts inedible? WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?
Answers please.
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5 comments:
I know what's happening here. This all started because Chupacabra decided Colombia wasn't the same without once you'd departed. Poor Chupacabra hitched a ride on a boat across the Pacific and upon arriving immediately set out on a search for you.
This is no easy task since he did not know your names - only that one of you reminded him of his extremely hairy Uncle Sal who is now retired in Boca Raton.
Chupacabra searched and searched. Finally he met a wise man. He met with this wise man every Tuesday to talk about his search, receive treatment for his mild depression and/or toe fungus, and to you know, be emotional and crap. Well this counseling wasn't working so great but Chupacabra had learned of a school where his old friends were now teaching. He knew this because he scared a family one night as they were churning ice cream (they were Amish-Indian) when he was doing his Chupacabra thing, and decided for once he would question them instead of going to the eating part right away.
As a result of this Chupacabra found you, but does not want to surprise you outright in fear you will reject him. Thusly he has been leaving messages with the guts of his victims trying to reach you. These guts originate primarily from chickens and cab drivers. He chose Wednesday in honor of the wise man he met with, Ramadevi Devulapalli, since this was the day after they typically had their counseling appointment, and when Chupacabra was feeling the best.
All you have to do is leave a note for Chupacabra outside your house written in guts for him and you will be best buds for life.
The End.
Postscript: Chupacabra is working on a book, called Tuesday's with Ramadevi Devulapalli, documenting his life changing experiences in India. Look for a copy in a ditch somewhere with a pile of guts around it.
Who left that comment? Quite the story teller it gave me my much needed laugh for the day.
Mom
This is karma. Maybe you shouldn't have fake cried all those years just so Mom would come downstairs and yell at me for watching you play computer, or whatever. Love, your brother.
Eat, Guts, Wednesday: The Chupacabra's story of travel and self-discovery. I already read it.
Our note to Chupi reads, "Get out while you still can." Written in fever-sweat, of which I think I'm about to have plenty.
Mom, AJ did it! Also, please come take care of me, I'm sick.
Adam, watch out. Karma's gonna get you too!
You never cease to make me laugh, although your anonymous writer was funnier than you were this time!
Jan
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